Frustration

I posted this on a friend's blog the other day. She teaches grade school in Omaha and is struggling with the famed "I don't want to be a teacher"-itis. She has an incredible amount of guilt building up because of all of the things she feels she SHOULD be doing, but doesn't seem to get to them. This was my comment on her post.

"Holy crap…did I just read my own blog? I’m in the same boat, kiddo. Mine isn’t so much guilt, as it is frustration for a lack of passion. I see all of these band directors out there who are amazing at what they do, and the kids are eating it out of their hands. Me…I struggle every day just to get out of bed and go to work. My students don’t really try; they do the bare minimum. They all expect that someone else will pick up the slack for them. Band isn’t a fun, inspiring activity to them. It’s a chore. It’s something they have to do. There’s no passion for it, no sense of fulfillment after a great rehearsal or performance. Instead, I get, “Do we really HAVE to do this?” “But it’s cold outside!” “Can we have study hall instead?” My coworkers are just as bad. Where do the kids get this behavior, they ask? Well, it doesn’t help that you’re modeling it for them! The lack of passion frustrates me to no end. I can’t keep doing this, maintain sanity, and care for a baby."

My color guard didn't show up for their practice Tuesday morning, and now they're whining about how I'm making them twirl Friday night and they don't know the routine.

I'm going to say this once:

CERTAIN ACTIONS HAVE CERTAIN CONSEQUENCES.

That is all.

Keep on keeping on

Well, we're chugging along here. Nothing much to report. Yesterday was a piece of work, though. We had a 1:00 dismissal due to teacher inservice. Now, normally I don't mind inservices, especially the ones where we get to stay in our rooms and get work done. But the schedule totally throws the kids off. Everything is crunched for time, teachers are grumpy, and it's just not a happy environment to be in. As I was walking the 5th grade back to their classrooms, I got my ass chewed by one of the fifth grade teachers for not sending the kids back in a straight line. She apologized today, but it still made me a little upset. This group of fifth graders is a real piece of work. I have two kids that still don't have instruments. One isn't even supposed to be in band, per his mom's instructions, and the other submitted a rental form, but hasn't heard anything from the rental company yet. So, they keep asking ME what's going on, and I keep giving them the same anwers. Apparently they just don't listen really well.

High school band is coming together well. We had a "come to Jesus" day last week, in which I basically reamed them for putting on the worst performance I'd ever heard in my life the week before. Seriously, I have never been so humiliated as an instructor. Things are getting better. They're starting to take it a little more seriously, and they're giving me more of a chance, which makes me feel good. Hopefully in two years, our numbers will really start to climb. :-)

So remember that whole anxiety about starting the new school year?

Yeah, I'm totally over it. I somehow managed to grow a spine in the first few days of school.

Things have started off A LOT smoother than I hoped. There were a couple of rough spots, but we're chugging along. Remember "Guard Girl" who I mentioned in quite a few of my posts last year? Yeah, she's gone. Quit. Got fed up with seniors trying to boss her around. She's a sophomore and the most clumsy, awkward, uncoordinated kid I've ever met. I was a little sad to lose her, but if she's going to cop an attitude every time I ask her to do something, forget it. I now have five girls who are twirling their little hearts out. The guard now has two-a-week morning practices, and they almost have both routines memorized for the first show. Junior high band has the Star Spangled Banner learned and almost the majority of the school song. I'm going to have them play at the homecoming pep rally. There will be 60 (!) kids in the pep band loft. It's going to be loud and crazy!!!

Jazz band will be starting in about two weeks. Yikes! Time to start picking out some good tunes. I have a crap-ton of kids interested...but I'm sure part of the enticement was telling them I'd buy dinner. :-)

It's amazing how much better I feel about Year 2 vs. Year 1. It feels good to know the lay of the land and the kids a little better. I still don't like coming to work on some days, but hey...who doesn't?

Resolutions for the new school year

Recently I've felt the need to make some resolutions for the new school year. These are things for me to keep in mind with my day-to-day interactions with students.

1. I will continue to run my classroom effectively, regardless of my students' negative attitudes and/or opinions.

2. I will take a positive attitude into rehearsal. I tell my kids to leave it at the door; I need to do the same.

3. I will not take my students' opinions about band and equate them with how they feel about me.

4. I will leave work AT WORK. My home and my time with my husband are my sanctuaries, though I reserve the right to stay at work a little late to keep it that way.

5. I will stand my ground and follow through with everything.

6. I will stand by the decisions that I have made. Once a decision has been made, it's done!

7. I will do my best to be professional and objective at all times.

I'm feeling very anxious about the upcoming school year. And not the good kind of anxious. This is more the nervous, upset, can't sleep cuz I'm so worried anxious. I just would like everything to get going so that I'm done with this weird limbo period. Some of the source of my anxiety comes from the high school band. I started a Facebook page for the band. I've found it's a really quick, easy way to disseminate information to students and parents. It's not without its pitfalls, though. Such as, students postingthings, good and bad, that I can read. Lately, I've been using this tokeep in touch with my color guard girls (the words "color guard"should inspire a ton of drama alone).

Last year I had a squad of four. This year, two incoming freshmenapproached me saying they also wanted to be on the squad. I said yes.Told the other girls about it, and they were worried about money forequipment, etc. Fair enough. So I tell them I will check into themoney situation. Turns out, hey! We're fine! So I decide over the summer to go ahead and let these girls on the squad. But, it was already in the thick of summer, so I didn't get the chance to tell my vets. So, I send them a note asking when could we get together. THEN they all notice who the note is addressed to, and THEN they all start getting hissy-fitty. So I have these poor freshmen who are totally innocent in this whole thing, and four vets who are mad andor frustrated. They're mad about me rescheduling meetings (I have people out of town and want the whole squad there as much as possible), ordering shirts without their knowledge (when they gave me approval for the artwork at the end of the school year), the fact that the shirts are so expensive (when I told them they would be $10-$15, and the shirts are $15.49), and that I didn't tell them about the new girls on guard (when they knew at the end of the school year that these girls were interested). Good. grief. So, I took the Facebook page down because I figured that if I can't handle reading the drama, I just can't do it.

I think part of my problem is that I hate it when people are mad at me. I want to be liked (who doesn't?) I had an extremely shitty high school experience in this regard, and now I'm in a situation remarkably similar to that. The biggest difference is that I'm in charge. My husband and I were talking about this today over lunch. He has a way of putting things so that they make total sense. Basically, he says that I have to stick to my guns on this one. Does the volleyball coach care that you don't like to run? No! Does he care that you don't like all of the people on the team? No! So, how is this situation any different? Making it an analogy like that makes the whole situation make more sense. I think I'm looking for a "quick fix" to all of this--something that will make it all better instantly. Well, unfortunately, nothing will do that and allow for a quality band program to build. These girls want to feel special. That's why they started a flag squad. They want to feel like they're better than everyone else, and that's why they don't want these other two girls on the squad. So, what I have to do is...keep going. When one balks, deal and move on. This isn't a democracy. I'll compromise on some things, but the minute I start handing over control is the minute I lose control.

So...for now, I shall enjoy my afternoon. I won't think about work or bitchy high school girls. I will sit, crochet, and watch Dr. Phil and remind myself, as all grandmothers have told us from the dawn of time, THIS TOO, SHALL PASS.

And we're back!

For better or for worse, summer is pretty much over. Now it's back to work, back to school, and probably a little stress. I've had a very relaxing summer, though I've been a bit bored the last few weeks. It will be nice to get back into a routine. I've got big dreams for the upcoming school year. I have the feeling most of them will be dashed within the first few weeks, but I have to keep hoping.

We've had quite a few faculty shake-ups here at school. Lots of people quitting or retiring. I've noticed that many of the teachers here are very clique-y. You have the young popular teachers, and the older established teachers, and then the athletic coaches. Very weird. As one teacher left at the end of the school year, she warned me to be careful of who I made friends with, for fear that I would be the next fly in their spider's web. While I appreciate that she was trying to look out for me, I can take care of myself. I have, however, decided that the best thing for me to do this year is my job. If that means secluding myself in my office, so be it. At least then, no one can say that I did or said something to offend anyone, or cost me my job. This may change as the year goes on, but for now, we'll see what happens.

Another school year is over...

And what have I learned? (from my year-end report to the administration)

Transition.

That has been the name of the game this year. Having taught before, I thought I knew what to expect, how to handle it, and what to do if X, Y, or Z happened. Boy, was I in for a wake-up call. From the first day of my “no-nonsense” attitude (and the words “Nazi” and “psycho-b***h being thrown around behind my back), kids were not happy. They wanted the previous teacher back. I was different, and different was bad. There’s something about a music teacher’s departure, and a new teacher taking over, that strikes a bad chord with kids. It doesn’t seem to matter whether or not they like the teacher before…if it’s different, it’s bad. So, from the get-go, kids dropped. “She’s mean, she’s different, she needs to lighten up. What’s with the Gum Bucket? We don’t like her.” That hurt. No matter how much you shouldn’t take things you hear from kids too seriously, it still hurt. I recall many nights going home in tears, trying to figure out what was with these kids, and how was I going to make it through an entire school year with them?!

After a lot of soul-searching and self-evaluation, and listening to the kids, I changed a bit. I let up (a little-there are certain things I WILL NOT compromise), and things began to improve. In the process, I began to enjoy myself a little more, and the kids also began to enjoy themselves. In the process, we made music, we had fun, and ALMOST every single kid that was in band this year will be back next year. What a great victory! I’m excited about the schedule and the fact that so many kids are going to be able to fit band into their schedule, whereas the block system didn’t allow for a lot of that flexibility. I’m discovering it’s easier and more rewarding to work WITH the kids and administration, rather than fighting and wanting everything my way. Compromise is the magic word. I still think we can do a lot with every other day practices. The literature may not be as challenging, but if the kids are having fun, being productive, and putting on quality performances, that (to me) is the most important thing.

Marching Band

This was a heck of a way to start the school year. New kids, new color guard, new EVERYTHING. I’m still trying to figure out the underlying reason why kids hate marching band here. “I’ll go out for band, but do I have to do marching band?” Uh, yes! That’s part of the job! It’s like saying, “I’ll go to work, but do I have to get out of bed?” I’m working on trying to make things a little more fun…letting the kids help decide the show, new music and stands charts, and I think the biggest hit this year for marching band was inviting a local university marching band out to play with us at Homecoming. Months later, I was STILL getting compliments from students, parents, and community members about how much they enjoyed that!

Jazz Band

It was new for me having jazz band in the fall, and having non-traditional instrumentation. I’m impressed with how much the kids enjoyed jazz band. Next year may be a little difficult trying to find a rehearsal time (with college classes before school and athletic practices after school), but we’ll make it work somehow.

High School Band

Once we got settled into concert band, the kids had a better understanding of how I ran my classroom and what I expected. I had several students tell me they were happy with the way band was run. Everyone (for the most part) was quiet and respectful, and we got so much done. I have considered incorporating a music theory component, but I’m not sure if I want to do this. If there are students who want to learn more and go more in-depth, I’ll gladly help them do so. However, I doubt anyone would be heartbroken if they never learned what the differences between the three minor modes are! Kids are in band because they want to play. Yes, they have to know how to count. Yes, they have to know fingerings. But, the ultimate reason they joined was so they could play an instrument. I was disappointed with the rating we received at State Large Group Contest, but that just gives us a higher goal for next year.

Junior High Band

This was definitely new territory for me. However, I feel the JH Band grew TREMENDOUSLY. Of the four groups I taught, I think I was most proud of this one. The implementation of The Marble Jar really helped. Each day started off with 10 marbles in my pocket. By the end of rehearsal, if they had all 10 marbles out of my pocket and into the jar, they got to have the last 10 minutes of rehearsal to visit. Once those marbles accumulated, and they reached a predetermined level in the jar, they got to have a party. If they misbehaved, marbles came out of the jar. This system worked like a charm! I used it on my elementary kids as well.

Elementary Bands

This is an area where I felt I struggled the most. I really like elementary, but my organization was awful. I have to remember that this is the foundation of my program. What I do now will affect these kids and their perception of the band program for years to come.

What did I do well?

In all honesty, I know there are things I did well, but they escape me. And they are overshadowed by the things I feel I need to improve.

What do I need to improve?

Huge list here. I have a tendency to duck my head in the sand when there are things that need to be done that I don’t want to do. Most of those involve confrontations and phone calls home to parents. I need to work more on communicating with students, and making sure that when I say I’m going to do something, that I follow through. I definitely need to work on my organization skills, especially with elementary.

All in all, this was a good year. There are many things I will transition into again next year. Every year I will have to make changes and examine what has worked and what hasn’t. I’m excited for the larger groups next year (especially JH and HS), and the level of performance that will keep getting better as next year begins.

Early dismissal!

...Due to extreme heat. You know you live in the Midwest when....

Teachers have to stay until 3:30, but without kids, I'm going to get a lot done. And I only have half an hour of class today in which we're watching a movie. Oh, HOW will I ever suffer through?! ;-)

Nothing much else going on here. I've met with next year's fourth graders, and I hope I've sparked some kind of interest in being in band next year. They're a really small group, maybe 20 kids. I'm excited for them to start, though. I never, ever thought in a million years that I'd enjoy doing beginning band. I love the excitement and the eagerness that all of them have. And the fact that they behave themselves also helps. :-) Our last day is next week, Tuesday, in which everyone comes in for three hours. Yup. You read right. Hardly seems worth it. Teachers have to stay til 3:30, then come in next Wednesday, then SUMMER!!!! I will be teaching lessons this summer (only 6 students, but hey, it's $120 for quilting and yarn supplies) for four weeks. Taking all of July and at least the first few weeks of August off. It's funny though. A lot of people think teachers are overpaid because we get summers off. Well...many of us DON'T get summers off. Especially if you're involved with music. Many times there are summer lessons, parades, and preparations for next year's marching band show. A lot of us take summer classes, either to ascend the pay scale, or for another degree. I have a friend who will be living with us in July while he does Masters' classes at the university. This is in addition to teaching summer lessons, taking online classes now, and changing jobs from this year to next (he is currently the 5-6 band director and just got hired as the high school director). This is all while balancing a wife and a 3-year-old son. In addition, teaching is HIGHLY stressful. Dealing with other people's children is probably one of the most challenging things one will ever do. If you've ever babysat or been to a daycare center, you'll know what I'm talking about!

Our students belong on Jaywalking...

Two weeks ago, in high school chorus...

Chorus teacher: Who were the pilgrims?
*blank stares*
Chorus teacher: Think American history...
Student #1: Didn't they wear funny hats?
Student #2: Oh! They came over here to get away from the potato famine!
Student #3: Weren't they trying to get away from the Holocaust?

And we're turning you loose into society? God help us.

Five months later....

So, as much as I meant to update this on a regular basis...so much for that. And now, the end of the school year is upon us. Just two full weeks, and we're free for the summer. You know how seniors get senioritis? I have teacheritis.

How has the year been, you ask? Challenging. But also very rewarding. The year started off as a major struggle. I seem to remember the works "Nazi" and "psycho-bitch" being thrown around a few times. Once we settled into concert band season, things went a lot better. Now, there's a mere two weeks left, and I start making preparations for next year. There's still a lot to do in these next two weeks: Guard auditions, marching band show, summer lesson schedule. Well...at least I get ONE month off! :-) I'll try harder to update this on a regular basis....

Peace!

Things are finally starting to calm down here. The band is really beginning to come around. They're starting to work hard, and I'm giving them some added incentives to keep them motivated. Let's hops this continues! :-)